I wrote this article on the very last day of my tenure at a company that I’ve worked for almost 10 years. The dilemma I had was whether or not I should stay or leave.
______________

It feels weird.
I feel Anxious, Excited and Scared all at the same time.
The place I’ve called home for the past 9 years is no longer where I’m going to be starting this Monday.

Out of all of the decisions I had to make in my short life, this is the toughest and roughest one I’ve ever had to make.

It was tough because I could have literally stayed here until I’m 65 and call it a day. It’s rough because the hardest part about my job was just to “show up” and technically speaking, I’ll get paid. I could cruise along with my work, do what I normally do, and get to 65 where I can comfortably retire.

Don’t get me wrong, the job can be challenging but it’s something I’ve already mastered within my tenure and position. I’ve maxed out in terms of what else I can do and what else I can learn. Which is why it’s so tough because on the one hand, it’s such a comfortable job that I can literally cruise to retirement but on the other hand, my intellectual, emotional and spiritual growth capacity was tapped out.

The need for new surroundings and a new challenge was apparent and have been creeping up on me for some years now. Despite of me literally saying to myself “No, I’m not going” five or six times in my journal – every single time I wrote that, it just didn’t feel right. There was no relief felt within my heart. As if my gut was trying to tell me something else.

Looking back, I knew I had to go mentally – intellectually speaking my brains knew it was time to go – but emotionally, I haven’t accepted it yet. I had to continuously work on myself several times to figure out what was bothering me from within before I can get that peace within myself.

In the end, wanting that “peace of mind” was the ultimate goal as anything else just wouldn’t feel right.

So finally two weeks ago, I had to dig down deep. Deeper that I have previously the 5 or 6 times I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t going. I really had to question myself and ask: WHAT DO YOU WANT? For the next 20-25 years of working, what do you want? At the end of the day, what is it that would make you feel that you’ve accomplished something? That you”ve succeeded? What would make you feel satisfied?

I took a whole day off to ponder on these questions one more time and I came up with my own list: What do I want?

1. When I look at my life and as I try to imagine the next 25 years of it, what I really want to do is to be able to Inspire People.
I want people to feel that they have squeezed the most out of their lives which in my own experience, means them living the best life that is possible to them. I want to light them up as I get lit up. That’s what I want to do, that’s what would inspire me the most and make me feel that I’ve lived my own life to the fullest.

2. I want to raise my own kids.

I don’t want to drop them off to a Nanny. I want to be there on their basketball games, their plays and their life. Clearly, a 9 to 6 job ain’t gonna cut it. This desire of mine stems from my childhood. Having been raised without a dad makes me want to be the “best dad” possible. And to me, that translates to being with my future kids as much as I can.

3. I want to dance with Aleona.

Continuously dance, randomly, on demand anywhere at any time. With all the things that we do individually in our lives, and having to plan our upcoming wedding, I’m realizing more and more that unless you physically live with me (or her), it’s virtually impossible to know what is going on within our lives. There are so many things happening in a given day – the book, the life coaching, the blog, the nonprofit, the house, the condo, the City Council, countless meetings here and more meetings there, etc. – to the point that most of my friends I haven’t even seen or talked to in over six months.

But I’m okay with that, and I don’t mean to be okay with that in a mean kind of way – I’m okay with it because I can see how much “work” it takes to live out your dreams and so to me, I’ll sacrifice the hanging out with friends, the parties, and sometimes even the birthdays as long as I have my time with Aleona. I guess it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

I said to myself, if I lived the next 25 years doing the above, I would feel that I have lived a fulfilling life. This type of life would be the life that I would consider as me being FREE. Free from the perceptions of the World, free from my own limitations, and free to be the best that I could possibly be. That’s really all I want.

It was such a relief to have figured out what I really wanted. Almost as if, the burden of the tough decision that I had to make already got lifted. And as I went in further into myself, I started asking what would I need in order for me to accomplish the life I have described for myself above? What do I need? Outside of the basic necessities of food, clothing and shelter, what do I really need in order for me to accomplish the things that I want?

And so I came up with another list: What do I need?

1. Positivity.

I need consistent genuine positivity flowing towards me because it helps me accomplish daily tasks and goals a lot easier (and lot faster). Now you gotta understand, this was very difficult for me to admit. You know why? Because my “ego” was telling me that I’m a positive guy so why would I need positivity to come my way? Shouldn’t I – the “life coach” – be able to handle negative energy and turn it around into something positive? This thought was running through my head. It was telling me that I shouldn’t have to need positive energy / people because I alone should be able to handle it and generate it for myself…(I know, welcome to my brains). I had to admit to myself that there is nothing wrong in wanting a better surrounding, into recognizing that there is nothing wrong with wanting to build relationships that inspired me and made be the best that I could be.

2. Flexibility.

To be able to get to what I want, I need as much flexibility as I can get my hands on. Not just with my schedule but with the flexibility of the minds of the people I deal with because Flexible Minds in my experience leads to a buffet line of learning which ultimately, leads to improving and therefore, results into me becoming the best that I could possibly be.

3. Laughter.

I need to laugh and have laughter everyday. I know it sounds basic but I’ve realized through the years that I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t have a sense of humor. With all the things I have on my plate, its very important to me to be in an environment that naturally makes me laugh, smile and enjoy day to day “chores” and make it fun – both at home and at work. It’s critical for me to have this recognition because it is through this recognition that I become “intentional” in actually seeking for this in my everyday life (as opposed to it just happening by accident).

I know, in knowing myself, that if I had these 3 things with me, I can get to what I want. If I got a consistent supply of these three things, I would naturally be able to accomplish and live the life that I want. There wouldn’t simply be a “bad day” anymore as long as I’m receiving a constant dosage of these things because regardless of the results – having these three things is making the process a lot more enjoyable and fulfilling for me.

So in comparing between staying vs. going, what it boiled down to is that me staying equated the decision as a “Fear Based Decision” (FBD).

It sounds like a disease doesn’t it? “FBD”? Because I think it actually is…many of us, especially me as proven by this article, are stopped dead on our tracks because of our Fear of letting go of the things that are easy, comfortable and relaxing to us. Despite of what we know intellectually, our Fear within our hearts stomps us from taking the leap into a decision that we ultimately know would lead to us becoming our very best. You gotta understand, the job that I left behind is the Highest Paid – Most Relaxing Job I’ve ever had in my life here in LA. And the fear of letting that go was the one that was ultimately crippling me.

I still don’t know what the future holds, I still feel very “jittery” as I write this down on my journal and my hands are very cold – but I do know this – deciding to GO is the right decision for me. Because staying here means holding on to what is comfortable, it means holding on to what I’ve known for the past 9 years as secure and safe for me. Staying here simply means being afraid of letting go.

As a Life Coach, I always believe that every human being is capable of Greatness. Every single one of us – janitors, clerks, VP’s, and CFO’s – it doesn’t matter where you are right now – I genuinely believe that we are ALL capable of being great.

But the reality is, I ALSO know that in order to become “great”, it demands change. It demands being uncomfortable. It demands to have a quest to want to learn more everyday – to improve everyday – to want to get better everyday regardless of the results that the paycheck may say or the results that friends or even family may say.

Greatness DEMANDS change and with that knowledge, the decision was essentially made for me even before I actually made it – I simply GOT TO GO.

Light it Up! and let your LIGHT SHINE for our time here on Mother Earth is extremely short. Write out what your really Want and what your really Need in order to get to what your Want – and simply – make it happen. Be “intentional” in your day to day decision to get to what you need as no one else can do that for you other than you.

Thank you and God bless.
-RG